Contented Contention
It’s that time of year again. The weather’s growing cooler. The sun is setting sooner. The air is slowly filling with the sound of…Christmas carols…?
No. NO. STOP. It’s November. We still have one month and one holiday before all of that starts!
I find it interesting how celebrants, media, and retail are so quick to jump on the holiday centered around exchanging presents and skip over the holiday catered to thankfulness (I’m sure there’s a dig towards capitalism and consumer culture somewhere in there, but I’m not going to make it).
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against Christmas. Giving and receiving gifts fall under many people’s love languages. However, we do have a horrendous lack of contentment in our society these days. Being thankful for what we have, the often called “Attitude of Gratitude,” does have its benefits. People have been without the benefits of contentment for a long time, and it shows.
The first major benefit is a positive outlook.
Life is like tripping on a hill: You need to roll with it to lessen the impact and pray for a soft landing at the bottom. Taking things as they come and being thankful for what you still have will keep you going strong. We are creatures of habit, and the more you put yourself in that habit of positive thinking, the easier it’ll be.
Now, keep in mind, I am not telling you to downplay your pain. The idea of “someone else has it worse” devalues trauma, and you don’t deserve that. The hurt you’re going through needs to be addressed and tended to. What I am saying is that if you turn that attitude of gratitude into your first thought instead of your last, it helps expedite the healing process. There is always a silver lining, even if it doesn’t shine right away.
When I was in high school, I took a college hopping trip with a friend. One of the schools we visited was Azusa Pacific University. I felt at home the moment I set foot on campus. None of the other schools we visited caused that reaction. I became dead set on going. I applied the moment I could and even received an early admittance notice.
However, halfway through my senior year, my parents took me to Olive Garden and broke the news: I would not be able to go to APU in the fall due to lack of funds. The shrimp alfredo certainly softened the blow, but the biggest factor that kept me from growing too despondent was the come-what-may attitude that I had already cemented into habit. I was able to reassess the situation and choose my next course of action.
I ended up going to community college, which was not part of my big plan. However, there were several noticeable benefits. I got to knock my GEs out of the way for a low price. I learned how to take public transportation. I even narrowed down Film Production as my major (thanks, Sensei Larson).
I did transfer into APU two years later, but the benefits of transferring later than intended didn’t manifest until a while after. I didn’t rack up as much student debt as I would have for a four year stay. I made irreplaceable friends whom I never would’ve met if I didn’t transfer in when I did. I got to intern on an actual film set under David de Vos (who, coincidentally, invited me to the set I’m currently working on). All of these amazing things wouldn’t have happened if I stewed in the fact that I couldn’t go to APU when I originally wanted.
I do find it interesting how I’m talking about being thankful in my present season of life.
At the time of writing this, I am currently single. Have been for the last seven years, not that I haven’t been trying. I’ll admit, it’s a bit frustrating. I hear people say, “Oh, once you’ve accepted your singleness, then the right person shows up!” As someone who wants to share life with another in marriage, that kind of advice sounds a little counter intuitive. I understand what they mean, but it’s still grating.
Earlier this week, an illustrator I’ve been working with emailed me, saying that they would need a bit more time to finish the next batch of pages. My response was, and I quote:
“I TOTALLY get that. If I had to pick between quality and timing, I'd choose quality.”
The moment I typed that in, I felt that gentle tap on my shoulder and still small voice saying, “Pay attention to what you just wrote.” I’ll admit, I grit my teeth a little at that, but I have to accept it. There’s probably a reason why I’m in this season. I have been able to jumpstart my writing career in the meantime. The silver lining of my singleness hasn’t fully manifested yet, but being thankful for what I currently have and am able to do has kept me from stressing out too much from the wait.
That leads us to the second benefit of an attitude of gratitude: stress relief.
There actually is some science behind our feelings. When we choose to dwell in certain emotions, different chemicals are released into the body. For example, cortisol is released when we’re stressed. This helps our bodies focus more on fight-or-flight responses by cutting down on certain bodily functions, like digestion, reproduction, and growth. Normally, the body balances itself out after the situation has passed. However, if we stay stressed, negative effects start to develop. These could range from anxiety to muscle tension to high blood pressure to insomnia.
Different chemicals are released when we feel happy. The four main ones are endorphins, oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine. In combination, these chemicals relieve pain and regulate your sleep, growth, and appetite. They also act like your body’s reward system, gifting us a sense of pleasure and fulfillment.
This is why so many people go around saying they “choose joy,” or, in this case “choose thankfulness.” It’s not easy to find the good things in every situation, which is why we make the effort. Like I mentioned before, we operate on our habits. If we develop a habit of thankfulness, we won’t stay in our negative states and release too much cortisol into our systems.
I have some relatives who, when they’re going through a rough patch, choose to stew in their sadness as part of their healing process. Honestly, I don’t buy that. I don’t see how you can find catharsis by entrenching yourself in those negative emotions. The longer you wallow in despair, the worse your physical and mental condition grows. When I find myself upset over something that happened or something I did, I’ll blast songs about crying for help, about redemption and overcoming adversity. Immersing myself in that mindset helps me get over my feelings faster. It allows me to clear the mental fog, look at what I still have, and be content with what I can still do.
That brings us to our third benefit of focusing on thankfulness. Put simply, it’s being content with life’s current content.
In our society today, it feels as though we’re always chasing after something. New jobs, new toys, more money. Each time we obtain one thing, we shift towards the next almost immediately. I’m not saying it’s bad to set goals or pursue self-betterment, but this constant desire for more and more isn’t healthy. It feeds stress and anxiety, which increases the cortisol we talked about earlier.
We really need to take a step back and count our blessings, take stock of what we do have. Contentment keeps us stable and happy. We don’t need to keep chasing after everything.
This applies not just to what we have, but where we are, too. A strange sense of wanderlust has arisen. The idea of never settling and always moving has permeated the norm. While seeing something new every so often brings some freshness to life, it also brings its own uncertainties. There’s no security or stability in that lifestyle. There’s no guarantee that we’ll get what we need to survive the next day.
Having a single place to call home keeps us grounded. It reminds us that no matter what, we have a safe space to retreat to. We don’t have to worry about where we’ll sleep, or if our treasured things will go missing. Your home is your castle, wherever it happens to be.
Before you go full throttle on the Christmas spirit, take the time to look at what you have and be thankful for it. There are so many things, big and small, that bolster our lives. Don’t take them for granted. Choose contentment, and make it a habit.