Not So Fast

On January 24, 2020, I was listening to a sermon about fasting, how it’s used as a form of repentance and a way to prepare ourselves for what God has in store for us. I figured, “I’ve got some personal stuff I’ve been needing to work out, and I want to make sure I’m ready for God’s next steps for me, so why not? Let’s do it. Strike while the iron’s hot.”

I’ve abstained from certain activities as a form of light lent, like going without anime and manga for a week, but I decided to fast from food this time. As I’ve heard it put, our hunger for food is a reminder to lean on God and trust in Him for sustenance. This was the first time I’d done this, so I opted for a 24 hour fast.

I had read somewhere that chewing gum would count as breaking a fast, not because of its part in the digestive process, but in its intent. If it was to keep your breath from smelling bad, that’s fine, but if it was for the sake of easing the hunger pains, then it supposedly defeated the point of fasting. Other sites suggested that coffee and tea were okay during fasting. My mom offered me some chicken broth in case I needed the protein, and if caffeinated bean soup and leaf soup were okay, broth should be, too, yeah? I never intended to get super legalistic with my fast, but I settled on skipping on the gum and the soup. If it were a week-long fast, I would be okay with the mild sustenance. However, since I was only going to do the single day, I chose to be stubborn and stick to water.

Even for 24 hours, fasting is tough. Here’s how it went down:

I started the morning making myself some breakfast, then began my 8am to 8am fast. It tied me over for a good chunk of the day, which helped with my school job. Granted, due to social distance procedures, I have to walk up and down multiple flights of stairs multiple times a day. That built up an appetite, but I held out.

Then came lunch duty. My students wasted no time showing off what they had. Homemade cookies, chicken, burgers, sushi, all that good stuff. My lunch break followed immediately after, but I couldn’t stop there. For my hour off, I hung out it my car, prayed, and napped. The hunger was still building, but I felt recharged and ready to continue.

As I made my way back into the building, one of my coworkers, who I play video games with regularly, informed me that he and some others were going to run the Garden of Salvation raid in Destiny 2 with the goal of earning the Divinity, a special rifle that aided teammates. I’d been wanting that gun for a while, but couldn’t get it because I needed five other people to help me. My chance had finally arrived, so I told him I’d be down to join. Playing would also help distract me from my hunger pains, so it would be a win-win.

During my last break of the day, I decided to do some devotional reading, since I planned on using my evening to hunt for the Divinity online. I plugged in a Google search for “Bible verses about fasting and praying.” The first article that popped up, “Why Does Fasting Work,” lead me to the site for One For Israel, a group that brings the New Testament Gospel to Israel. You can find the article, written by Chris Hodges, here. I thought, “Oh, this might be good.”

As I made my way through the article, I came to this section:

God challenges us to live a fasted lifestyle; a laid-down, self-sacrificial life instead of just doing whatever we please. Am I willing to give my time to God’s pleasure rather than my own?

That’s when I felt the spiritual tap on my shoulder and rebuke to the heart. I had decided to fast because I wanted to draw closer to God, to prepare myself for what He had in store for me. If I wanted to honor that, I could not do the gaming night. It was a tough pill to swallow, almost more so than the no-food pill. I texted my friend to let him know what was happening, why I couldn’t partake, and I had to do it fast, before I could change my mind.

The quiet evening at home was rough. Without gaming to distract my brain, my stomach growled all the louder. However, it gave me time to reflect on what God taught me. God’s pleasure, God’s desire, had greater importance than my own. I’ve clung desperately to different things because I enjoy them or they bring me comfort. However, they pale in comparison to the peace that God brings.

During the drive home, my Spotify playlist cycled to So Far Gone by Thousand Foot Krutch. The chorus is as follows:

I wanna be so far gone in You
So far, nothing else will ever do
I wanna be so far gone in You
In You

My desires need to line up with God’s. There are many things I want in my life. However, God’s ways are not my ways. He’s shown me that multiple times, and this fasting experience shed new light on it. I need to conform to His desires. Only then will I truly be prepared for what He has planned.